Surrender to the charms of the Guttenberg

Ah, eBay! Such a wonderful thing.

I had a sneaking suspicion that there would be a person or two out there looking to sell old Steve Guttenberg movies.

It turns out I was right.

And so yesterday, a very special package arrived at my flat. A package containing this little beauty:

That's right. It's 1987's Surrender. And it didn't look like it would be too bad. It has Michael Caine and Sally Field. And they're both good actors. And we all know that I love the Gütt.

Once again, he doesn't recieve top billing, but he's still got quality above the title billing.

But it was the photo on the back that really captured my interest.

A moustachioed Guttenberg? Fantastic!

So, it was with some quite high expectations that I sat down to watch this film. And did it disappoint?

Sweet mother of God, yes. Ooh, what a bad movie. So very very very bad. So very bad. I really can't say that enough times. So so so very bad.

Roger Ebert's review sums it up quite well:

"Surrender" is an astonishing case of a movie that can do no wrong for its first half and little right thereafter. The story has no place to go, and Belson's contrivances in keeping it floating are desperate.

Steve plays Sally Field's rich lawyer boyfriend, and I'm sad to say he's a bit of a jerk. I'll confess I didn't pay much attention to the movie because I kept getting bored, but the Gütt did what he could with what he was given.

I knew that completing this mission would mean watching some bad movies. But until this, I had no idea how painful that could be.

Ah well, I can only hope that Film #4 is a little less upsetting.

Title: Surrender

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 33

Purchased: On eBay, 16 July 2005

Cost: £2.89, including delivery

The First Truly Bad Movie In The Collection: Priceless.

And now in more Guttenberg related news...

Aren't you wacky North Americans lucky?

Starting this September, you'll be able to see the always delightful Mr. Guttenberg in UPN's one actually good show - Veronica Mars.

There are fabulous reports that Steve, along with Charisma Carpenter, will join the show for it's 2nd season. Steve has been cast as "a charismatic major league baseball team owner and leading candidate in the race for mayor of Neptune. " He will be in at least seven episodes.

How delicious! I, for one, cannot wait.

A lead!

An email from Abby today gave me an exciting lead onto Film #3:

"Now, I don't want you to get too over excited here, but I am about 70% certain that my sister has the VHS of Three Men and a Little Lady, which I am 100% certain that she won't want anymore. I'll speak to my parents to make sure they still have it, and then I'll let you know.

Please, don't build your hopes up, it could well be Sister Act 2 that I am thinking of. I would hate for you to be disappointed and think bad of me."

Well, this is clearly a delight! A lead on Film #3 so soon after the arrival of Film #2? Fantastic!

I'm sad for Abby's sister that she wouldn't want to hold on to this cinematic gem, but it's obviously fantastic news for me.

And how could I possibly think badly of anyone supporting the mission?

I think this could be a hidden treasure trove of Guttenberg goodies - if y'all could have a look through your video collections for stray and (unbelievably) unwanted Guttenberg films, the mission would be in your debt.

The Mission! She thrives!

It's been an exciting weekend in the world of the Steve Guttenberg Project.

On Saturday, I left the house to a bit of shopping. When I got home with my new shoe racks (they're very nice), I found an Amazon package near the front door.

"Hmmm," I thought to myself. "I haven't ordered anything from Amazon recently, but perhaps it's for me anyway."

And, would you believe it? It was!

Inside this beautiful package was a DVD - and not just any DVD. It was a DVD starring our good friend ... Mr. Steve Guttenberg.

I was giddy with glee, as you can well imagine, and scrambled to find the packing slip to find out who was responsible for the exciting new development - after all the collection had doubled overnight, and it was all very fabulous.

To my delight, I found that a little lady with a mission of her own was the generous DVD purchaser - the lovely Miss Heather Taylor.

Here it is. The fantastic and fabulous Film #2:

As we can see, the Gütt once again receives second billing.

(Hey, remember when Ally Sheedy was famous? Those were good times.)

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing this fantastic film, the Gütt plays one "Newton Crosby" - inventor of robots and other such things. When the delightful Number 5 suffers from a "short circuit" and comes to life, Newton is sent on a madcap adventure with trusted sidekick Fisher Stevens to find the rogue robot. Does mayhem and merriment ensue?

Oh, you bet it does.

There's also a bit of romance, between our Mr. Gutt and the lovely Miss Sheedy.

Robots? Romance? Stray animals? "Number 5 is alive"? The Gütt?

This movie has everything!

Title: Short Circuit

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 34

Date received: 9th July, 2005

Purchased by: Heather

The mission doubling in size: Priceless.

A Tribute to the Gütt

Once you start looking, you realize that there are tributes to our good friend Mr. Guttenberg everywhere.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the episode of the Simpson's featuring the classic Stonecutters Song. Season six? Episode 12? "Homer The Great"? Originally aired on 8th January, 1995? You've seen it seven billion times in reruns since then?

The song is an all time classic. Sing along with me, if you will.

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!

Well, if you made Steve Guttenberg a star, then the world owes a debt to you, Stonecutters.

Thanks, from all of us.

Film #1

Here it is:

Film #1 in the Steve Guttenberg Project.

Isn't it delightful? You can see that it cost me a mere £3, which I think you'll agree is a fantastic price for such a cinematic gem. It may not be a cropped white denim jacket, but I think it's pretty frickin' sweet.

Clearly Tom Selleck is the star here - he gets first billing and the centre of the photo.

But we can clearly see that our good buddy Steve Guttenberg is the second billed.


Screw you, Ted Danson! It's all about the Gütt here!

Title: Three Men and A Baby

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 35

Purchased: At an Archway charity shop, on 1st July 2005

Cost: £3

Beginning an exciting new mission: Priceless.

The Birth of the Steve Guttenberg Project

It came like a flash of inspiration - a plan. A plan to begin a mission. A mission to complete the Steve Guttenberg Project.

It's a humble mission. It may not save the world, or end world hunger, or even get the building work outside my flat finished.

But it will, if the mission is successful, gain me the most fabulous film collection ever imagined.

And it's here, in this very blog, that you can follow the progress of the Project.

Fabulous and exciting?

I think so!

The Steve Guttenberg Filmography

Here it is. The definitive list we're working from, taken from the Internet Movie Database.

The films I have are in bold. I'm still searching for the non-bold films.

1. Ay Lav Yu (2010)
2. The Gold Retrievers (2010)
3. Cornered! (2009)
4. If It Ain't Broke, Break It (2009)
5. Shannon's Rainbow (2009)
6. Major Movie Star (2008)
7. Jackson (2008) [originally 2005]
8. Heidi 4 Paws (2008)
9. Fatal Rescue (2008)
10. Making Change (2006)
11. Mojave Phone Booth (2006)
12. Domino One (2005)
13. The Stranger (2003)
14. P.S. Your Cat Is Dead (2002)
15. Airborne (1998)
16. Home Team (1998/I)
17. Casper: A Spirited Beginning (1997)
18. Zeus and Roxanne (1997)
19. Overdrive (1997)
20. It Takes Two (1995)
21. Home for the Holidays (1995)
22. The Big Green (1995)
23. 3 Men and a Little Lady (1990)
24. Don't Tell Her It's Me (1990)
25. Cocoon: The Return (1988)
26. High Spirits (1988)
27. Three Men and a Baby (1987)
28. Surrender (1987)
29. Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)
30. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
31. The Bedroom Window (1987)
32. Short Circuit (1986)
33. Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
34. Bad Medicine (1985)
35. Cocoon (1985)
36. Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
37. Police Academy (1984)
38. The Man Who Wasn't There (1983)
39. Diner (1982)
40. Can't Stop the Music (1980)
41. Players (1979) (as Steven Guttenberg)
42. The Boys from Brazil (1978)
43. The Chicken Chronicles (1977)
44. Rollercoaster (1977) (uncredited)
45. Something for Joey (1977)
    

The Running Total

#1

• Title: Three Men and A Baby
• Date: 1 July 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 35
• Purchased: At an Archway charity shop
• Cost: £3
• Beginning an exciting new mission: Priceless.

#2

• Title: Short Circuit
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 34
• Date received: 9th July, 2005
• Purchased by: Heather
• The mission doubling in size: Priceless.

#3

• Title: Surrender
• Date: 16 July 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 33
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £2.89, including delivery
• The First Truly Bad Movie In The Collection: Priceless.

#4

• Title: Police Academy
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 32
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £3.04, including delivery
• Political incorrectness at it's most painful: Priceless.

#5

• Title: Don't Tell Her It's Me (aka. The Boyfriend School)
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 31
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £2.89, including delivery
• Realizing I would probably watch this again: Priceless. Pricelessly embarassing.

#6

• Title: The Bedroom Window
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 30
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £2.99, including delivery
• A Bad Overly Dramatic Movie: Eh, not so priceless.

#7

• Title: Bad Medicine
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 29
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £2.89, including delivery
• Bad 80's Comedy At Its Finest: Oh, that's priceless baby.

#8

• Title: Police Academy 3: Back In Training
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 28
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £2.00, including delivery
• The First Guttenberg Movie I Couldn't Watch In One Sitting: Shamefully priceless.

#9

• Title: High Spirits
• Date: 15 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 27
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: £3.50, including delivery
• The Most Beloved Guttenberg Movie Yet?: Priceless.

#10

• Title: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol
• Date: 10 August 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 26
• Purchased: by the delightful and ever so dashing Aaron
• Seriously, A Hot-Air Balloon Chase?: Priceless.

#11

• Title: Casper - A Spirited Beginning
• Date Added: 30 September 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 25
• Purchased: By the delightful Miss Sherlock
• Steve as a BAD DAD who is reformed by a ghost: Priceless.

#12

• Title: Diner
• Date Added: 10 October 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 24
• Purchased: By Alexcia, and delivered all the way from Canada.
• Owning a movie I probably would have bought anyway: Priceless.

#13

• Title: Home Team
• Date Added: 10 October 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 23
• Purchased: On ebay
• Price: £3.00
• Fantastically cheesy Canadian goodness: Priceless.

#14

• Title: Amazon Women on the Moon
• Date Added: 10 October 2005
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 22
• Purchased: On ebay
• Price: £2.85
• Hearing Steve Guttenberg use a line about sushi to seduce the ladies: Priceless.

#15

• Title: Three Men & A Little Lady
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 21
• Date Added: 31 October 2005
• Purchased: By the lovely and fabulous Abby
• Trying to erase the bedtime rap from my mind: Priceless.

#16

• Title: A Question Of Life (aka Something For Joey)
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 20
• Date Added: 31 October 2005
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £5.79
• Seeing the genesis of the Guttenberg Film Dynasty: Priceless.

#17

• Title: It Takes Two
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 19
• Date Added: 22 December 2005
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £2.50
• Knowing that Steve was right in there at the start of the Olsen empire: Priceless.

#18

• Title: Can't Stop The Music
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18
• Date Added: 24 February 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £10.00, and worth every penny
• Steve as the star of the campest movie ever, of all time, ever: Priceless.

#19

• Title: Home For The Holidays
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17
• Date Added: 26 February 2006
• Purchased: on Amazon.co.uk
• Price: £5.25
• Hearing Guttenberg say "Beep beep, brother-in-law" to Robert Downey Jr: Priceless.

#20

• Title: The Big Green
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 16
• Date Added: 1 May 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £0.01 + delivery
• Hearing Steve Guttenberg's Texan accent: Priceless.

#21

• Title: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 15
• Date Added: 1 May 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £2.50
• Being slightly better than Police Academy 3?: Priceless.

#22

• Title: Cocoon
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 14
• Date Added: 21 May 2006
• Purchased: on eBay (and I think someone gave me a copy too, but I forget who. Maybe Alexcia? Thanks dude!)
• Price: £3.50
• Never being able to erase the disturbing alien pool sex scene from my mind?: Priceless.

#23

• Title: Cocoon: The Return
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 13
• Date Added: 10 August 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £5.45
• Realizing that I will watch essentially unviewable copies of tapes just because of the project?: Priceless.

#24

• Title: The Boys From Brazil
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 12
• Date Added: 13 August 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £5.50
• Seeing Steve killed by Nazis?: Priceless.

#25

• Title: Zeus and Roxanne
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11
• Date Added: 13 August 2006
• Purchased: on eBay
• Price: £2.98
• Learning That Inter-species True Love Is Possible?: Priceless.

#26

• Title: The Chicken Chronicles
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11
• Date Added: 19 March 2007
• Purchased: On eBay
• Cost: $5.95
• Being spared a Guttenberg sex scene: Priceless

#27

• Title: Major Movie Star
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18
• Purchased: Ebay
• Cost: £7.95
• Admiring the burnished glow of a super-tanned Guttenberg: Priceless

#28

• Title: Rollercoaster
• Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17
• Purchased: By my aweseome friend Mandy for my birthday.  Like 3 years ago.  Really, I am getting on watching these, I swear. 
• Cost: N/A
• Seeing a practically teenaged Guttenberg with huge 70s hair: Priceless