The Steve Guttenberg Project

A Rollercoaster of Guttenberg Fun

2011-01-23T23:14:00.000Z

We are making our way through the Guttenberg backlog, people. It's very exciting. And what better way to spend a Sunday night than with our good friend Steve?

It's another of the early dramatic films in Steve's career - the 1977 film Rollercoaster!

This film was released in the same year as Something for Joey and The Chicken Chronicles, but unlike those films which feature Steve in major roles, this one is pretty light on the Guttenberg action.

I was actually getting pretty worried about this film, as I was about an hour and 20 minutes into it and still hadn't spotted our buddy Steve. Could I have possibly missed him? It seems impossible, for one as highly attuned to the presence of Guttenberg as I. But then he appeared like a breath of fresh amusement park air, admirably delivering his one line. "Sorry sir, I had to get the key." Like poetry, it was.

Well, not really. He's not even in the credits, but he is absolutely in the film. He's on screen for about 20 seconds, and has one line. He also has fabulously fluffy 70s hair, which I found delightful.

The film's a thriller, starring George Segal (who I really only know from Just Shoot Me) as a safety inspector who gets drawn into the web of a bomber who is targeting amusement parks. It's actually a reasonably good thriller - probably not the type of film you'd go out of your way to see, but if it was on TV on a Sunday afternoon when you were lying hungover on the couch, aimlessly flipping through the channels, you'd easily stop and watch it. There's also the added bonus of a 14 year old Helen Hunt playing Segal's daughter. Who doesn't love seeing celebs when they were kids?

It also feels kind of like a historical document. In the future, it could be used in a history class called "What The 70s Were Like". People use payphones! They drive without wearing seatbelts! They win cartons of cigarettes at amusement park games! They wear comically large ties! They use something called "hot combs" on their hair! They drive super boxy, huge cars! They have relaxed conversations with their ex-wives about being sure to lock the door when her boyfriend stays over! They wear inappropriate suits when staking out amusement parks! They have to track people down at airports and hotels because they don't have mobile phones! They smoke all the time!

It was a fun trip to the 70s, and I did enjoy it. There was one thing that did puzzle me, though. There are a few scenes with people on roller coasters who do this sort of synchronised clapping as they go up the first incline on the ride. Did people really do that? Do they still do that? Have I been missing out on an essential part of rollercoaster fun by not clapping up a storm?

Anyway, this is an enjoyable film. And it's really made me want to buy some cotton candy. Man, that stuff is good.

Title: Rollercoaster

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17

Purchased: By my aweseome friend Mandy for my birthday. Like 3 years ago. Really, I am getting on watching these, I swear.

Cost: N/A

Seeing a practically teenaged Guttenberg with huge 70s hair: Priceless

Major Movie Guttenberg

2010-12-26T22:02:00.001Z

It's been three years since I've watched a Guttenberg film, so I'm a little out of the loop.

Maybe it's the distance, maybe it's the holidays, I don't know. But I actually enjoyed this movie. And no, I am not proud of that. And yes, I am aware that this movie stars Jessica Simpson.

It's Major Movie Star! This is a remake of the classic 1980 film Private Benjamin, and yes I am aware that I just said I actually liked a Jessica Simpson remake of an actual good film. But, this actually is a fun movie. Think what you will about J. Simp (as I like to call her), but she's a charming actress. She's not good, mind you. But she's charming. And in a film co-starring Steve Guttenberg, charming will get you an awfully long way. This film was never released in cinemas, but got a DVD release in the UK and the US. In the US, it's called Private Valentine: Blonde and Dangerous. You can see why I choose to ignore that wannabe Legally Blonde title, and go for the UK title.

Simpson plays Megan Valentine, a movie star who joins the army after she attends the première of her bad film, finds out her staff hates her, discovers her uncle's been embezzling from her, and finds out her boyfriend is sleeping with her manager. Don't get me wrong, that's a bad day, but joining the army is a bit of a stretch.

Our buddy Steve plays her agent, and is in a grand total of 5 scenes. He does get to be third billed though, after Simpson and Vivica A. Fox, who plays the sassy drill sergeant. So, that nice for him.

Steve is a colour of tan that has never been seen in the natural world. He's like a dark, burnished, shiny walnut. It's quite stunning, in its way. He's the typical smarmy agent, with a heart of gold. Unlike all the other people in poor Megan's life, he actually has her best interests at heart. Sure, she wants to make serious films, and he pushes her towards talking animal films. But he's met her, and realises her capabilities. If anything, I think that speaks to his professionalism. He's just protecting her career. But perhaps that's me reading a little more into his character than you actually see on the screen.

The absolute best thing about this film is the supporting cast, though. I literally said "OMG, it's that guy" like a dozen times. There's Lane from Gilmore Girls, that guy from Best In Show, that girl from Girlfriends, that guy from Scrubs, that guy who was Will's client on Will & Grace, and the always awesome Cheri Oteri. Seriously, a non-stop parade of supporting cast fun. And it has some very good throwaway comedy lines, which I actually laughed at. I think my favourite was from the drill sergeant when she arrives at the army base, and offers him a valium, so he can calm down: “I don’t do drugs! My body is a temple! Did you think that bus was going to a Phish concert?” Hee. A Phish concert.

Anyway, if it's not obvious from the description so far, the army changes her and makes her a better person, she fires all the awful person, puts herself back together, blah, blah, blah. This is not really a film where "plot" is the most important element. Still, though. Enjoyable.

Maybe it's the Christmas spirit. Maybe it's a three year break from the Guttenberg films. But I really did enjoy this movie. It's got nothing on the original (which, seriously, is a really good film, and you should watch it right away), but it's not awful. And "not awful" is saying an awful lot for a Jessica Simpson/Steve Guttenberg straight to DVD film.

Title: Major Movie Star

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18

Purchased: Ebay

Cost: £7.95

Admiring the burnished glow of a super-tanned Guttenberg: Priceless

Awesome readers

2010-12-26T20:46:00.000Z

So, yeah, it's been 3 years since I've actually added a film to this list. Which seems crazy, does it not? Sorry about that.

But, I am not a quitter! (Please note: this is a lie. I quit stuff all the time.)

More importantly, I am not going to be a quitter with this. I promised you, people of the internet, that I would watch all of Steve Guttenberg's damn films, and I will do that.

Now, when I started this, I neglected to think about the fact that, as a working actor, Steve-o continues to add to his body of work. Which means, that unless Steve retires, I will be watching Steve Guttenberg movies for the rest of my life.

Such is the price of true serious journalism, though. (Not that I'm a journalist, by any standards. But you get what I mean.)

So, since the Guttenberg film list was last updated in 2007, I've made a few additions to the official list. It's up to date as of today. And it has 45 films on it now. The Gütt has been busy in the last three years.

But we will get through this, people. Together. Seriously, I love that people actually read this blog, and that, even though I haven't properly updated in 3 years, I get amazing comments and emails. (Jen from CA, I am totally looking at you. Your comment was awesome and totally made my month, and I wish you'd left an email so I could thank you properly!)

But enough of that sappiness! Back to the Guttenberg!

SO AWESOME!

2008-02-19T17:33:00.003Z

People, I have some excellent news.

I know you were all saying "Why oh why is my television screen not constantly filled with Steve Guttenberg? And WHEN will I see him DANCE?!?"

Sooner than you think, my friends. Sooner than you think.

Steve Guttenberg. Appearing as a contestant on Dancing with the Stars. Competing against Monica Seles, Marlee Matlin, Penn Jillette and Priscilla Presley. How awesome is this??

Fantastic reader Bookish Barbara let me know about this little gem, and I am super excited. I may have to resort to downloading to keep up on the Guttenberg dance action.

The only sad side is that I won't be able to vote. Can I bribe one of you to do my Guttenberg voting for me?

It starts March 17. Set your Tivos people. We don't want to miss one single second.

Oh. My. God.

2007-10-09T10:30:00.001+01:00

You guys, I have the best news ever.

Guess who's just signed a deal to write the memoir of his early years in Hollywood?

Steve Freaking Guttenberg.

I'm so delighted by this news, I can hardly tell you! Imagine - we'll get all the first hand gossip from the Police Academy movies and Three Men and A Baby and Cocoon!

Maybe the guy who makes funny noises is really a jerk! Or Ted Danson has a secret hidden past that can only now be revealed -he's really a woman! Or the guy who makes funny noises is a secret chain smoker and the noises are really a smokers cough! Or Wilfred Brimley hates oatmeal! Or something else awesome about the guy who makes funny noises!

I'm so excited. There doesn't seem to be any info about when we can expect this book, which will surely be the greatest book of our time, but I'll keep you posted.

The Guttenberg Chronicles

2007-03-19T14:47:00.000Z

About time I actually added to the mission, isn't it?

I've actually had this video since November, but didn't get around to actually watching it until last night. You know how it is - you get busy and before you know it five months are gone.

Anyway, this is a VERY exciting entry, because, while it is not the feature film debut of our good buddy Steve, it is his very first starring role.

I give you the 1977 film The Chicken Chronicles!

I'm not going to lie to you. If you're a fan of dramatic Guttenberg, or slightly irresponsible dad Guttenberg, this is not the movie for you. Prepare yourselves, people. This is a high school sex comedy.

Set in 1969, Steve plays high school senior David Kessler, who has one mission for his senior year - to lose his virginity to girlfriend Margaret. Naturally, madcap antics occur as he tries to find a safe place for them to do some shoppin' at the do-it centre, because Margaret is a prude and won't have sex anywhere they could possibly be caught.

When he's not trying to have the sex, he's working at a chicken place, which I want to say is called Chicken On The Go. Phil Silvers plays his boss, an upsettingly pervy old man. Did I need to hear Phil Silvers talk graphically about hot young chicks? No. No, I did not.

Anyway, when he's not trying to have sex or sell chicken, he's pulling pranks on the school's vice principal, talking to his emotionally distant parents over his house's intercom system, bribing his little brother for sex advice, calling out racism and old fashioned rules on the track team and smoking a lot of pot.

It's a bit of a jumbled movie. It's not what you might call funny, but I've seen much much worse movies from the teen genre.

Oh, and don't worry. He does lose his virginity, to (spoiler!) poor Tracy Vogel, who wasn't really a slut, despite the rumours about her. And thankfully, we are spared the actual sex scene and just cut to cuddling after.

Title: The Guttenberg Chronicles

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: $5.95

Beginning spared a Guttenberg sex scene: Priceless

Update

2007-03-15T14:20:00.001Z

Due to the IMDB of LIES! and the prolific working habits of our buddy Steve, the official Steve Guttenberg Project list has been updated.

Gone is Winter Break, and the 2006 films Mojave Phone Booth and Making Change have been added.

This does mean that the "Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected" on each entry is now wrong. I may or may not be changing these. We'll see how it goes.

You're smart though. I'm sure you can figure it out.

It should be called the IMDB of LIES!

2007-03-15T13:52:00.000Z

What's that? It's been four months since I last posted anything here?

Well, there is a VERY good reason for that. I have been trying to get over the shock, horror, dismay and betrayal I feel at the horrible lies I have been told by someone I trusted. Someone who I've relied on in the past. Someone whose information forms the very basis for the Steve Guttenberg Project.

The IMDB. Or, as I know like to call it, the IMDB of LIES!

As you're no doubt aware, as a frequent visitor of this page, Steve's IMDB page lists many, many films. One of which is the 2003 film Winter Break, as incriminatingly displayed here.

And, yes, it does say "unconfirmed". But since that piece of information has been there since July 2005, when this madness began, I thought I could trust it.

I thought wrong. "Ted Harper", indeed.

Anyway, so, here it is:

The only film you will see on this blog which does not feature, in any capacity, the talents of Mr. Steve Guttenberg.

Since I watched it - all of it, mind you - I may as well tell you about it though.

It's the story of Matt, played by Milo Ventimiglia, who you're probably most familiar with as Peter Petrelli on Heroes. Unless you watched Gilmore Girls, in which case you're probably shaking your fist at the sky, shouting "Curse that Jess! He was so bad for Rory!"

In this film, he doesn't play a vaguely slacker nurse/superhero or a vaguely slacker small town bad boy. He plays a vaguely slacker college graduate who, instead of taking a job in Detroit (I think), moves to Colorado to work with his two slacker friends for a year at a ski resort.

This is not a good movie.

You might be tempted because of your residual Heroes/Gilmore Girls love, but I will tell you right now. Don't waste your time.

It's not bad. But ... it's just not good. It's a kind of indifferent movie. I've already forgotten most of it, and I just watched it.

And it doesn't have Steve Guttenberg in it.

Damn lying IMDB. Wasting my time and hard earned money.

Tower of Guttenberg

2006-11-19T16:42:00.000Z

So, as you know, tv movies are not included in the official list of Guttenberg Project films. But, for special Santa-related films and special requests, I am ready to make an exception.

I recieved this email from the always awesome Bette:

I've just read the entirety of the Steve Guttenberg project and cannot believe there is no mention of the Tower of Terror.

Perhaps it is just one of the remaining 11 films for you to collect but please I am breathlessly awaiting your comments on this film.

There were also some comments about a film about the true love between a dog and a dolphin, which I am unable to repeat because you would not believe me and also I would be killed.

So, by special request - the fabulous 1997 TV movie Tower of Terror.

And yes, you're not going crazy or seeing things. That does read Steve Guttenberg and Kirsten Dunst.

Post-Jumanji and pre-The Virgin Suicides, Kirsten made the wise decision to star with our good buddy Steve in a TV movie based on a ride at Disney World. Clearly.

I've actually seen this movie many times. Okay, maybe not "many". But definitely more than once.

Steve plays "Buzzy" (and no, I am not making that up), a tabloid reporter who makes up stories involving ghosts and whatnot for his paper. He's the wacky uncle of Anna (played by Kirsten) , who helps him out with his stories. A seemingly innocent old lady invites to investigate the mysterious Hollywood Hotel (I think that's what it's called - I can't actually remember) which has been closed since the 30's, after a group of people mysteriously disappeared in the elevator, including the famous Shirley Temple-alike Sally Shine.

Because you know how often valuable LA real estate just sits empty for sixty years.

Despite the fact that Buzzy is supposed to be a journalist, he does absolutely no research whatsoever, and just seems to believe that no one will ever lie to him. Despite the fact that almost everyone in the film lies to him.

"What? You say that the evil nanny was actually a witch and hated Sally, and was therefore responsible for the mysterious elevator disappearance? And you were there, so that's how you know? Well, okay! I'll just take your word for it! No, no, I don't need to know why you were there, or anything about you. I'll just go off an investigate now. La la la la."

That takes a bit away from the big climactic scene where it's revealed that (SHOCK!) the seemingly innocent old lady is actually (HORROR!) the sister of Sally Shine, and the one responsible for the mysterious disappearance because (SHOCK!!) she was jealous that her sister got all the attention. And the big twist? They were taking the elevator up to sister's surprise birthday party, but never made it. See? Seemingly innocent old lady as a child wasn't really ignored at all!

Of course, the "journalist" doesn't figure out the mystery. But never fear! Buzzy still gets his job back at the real newspaper and smooches with the editor lady, played by Nia Peeples. (Nia Peeples! Seriously!)

I'm probably taking this film too seriously - after all, it was specifically created to provide backstory to a DisneyWorld ride.

I guess I should just be glad it has a plot of any kind.

And seeing Kirsten Dunst slum it is always amusing.

Guttenberg-tastic!

2006-09-14T09:54:00.000+01:00

Due to the upsetting burglary, and the subsequent lack of laptop at home, I have not been as good with the updating of the project as I would like. But never fear! Friend of the project Sarah has pointed me in the direction of something fabulous and Guttenberg related.

My friends, I give you The Mother Of All Trailers!

God bless YouTube, I say. God bless them.

Steve + Dog + Dolphin + Love = One Good Time

2006-08-13T20:16:00.000+01:00

I've had this film for quite a while, but for some reason couldn't bring myself to watch it. Why is that, you ask?

Because it's about a dog and a dolphin that are in love.

Seriously.

It's 1997's Zeus and Roxanne.

Steve plays Terry, a single father Terry Barnett and owner of Zeus, troublemaking and dolphin-loving dog.

In his family films, Steve's very good at being an either bad or neglectful single dad. In this one, he's more neglectful. He's an earring wearing musician who lets his 9 year old son take care of him. This kid prepares all the meals, does all the cleaning, takes care of the dolphin-loving dog. This is the slave child that every parent hopes for.

Kathleen Quinlan plays Mary-Beth, the romantic interest and next door neighbour. Clearly, after her award winning role as Tom Hank's wife in Apollo 13, playing the love interest in a Steve Guttenberg family film was the next logical step. She's also the matchmaker for Zeus, the dog, and Roxanne, the dolphin. She realizes that they can communicate with each other and tries to get some research grant about interspecies comunication.

Seriously.

Majandra Delfino plays one of Mary-Beth's kids and it drove me crazy for about half the movie trying to figure out how I knew her. Then it finally hit me that she was Maria on Roswell. And no, I will not be embarassed for watching Roswell. You cannot shame me with your judging!

She has possibly the best line of a movie: "If a dolphin and a dog can get along, why can't our mom and his dad?"

Yes. Why can't we all just get along?

Anyway, I would say that if you are a fan of kids, dogs and/or dolphins then this might just be the movie for you.

And if you are a fan of late nineties shirtless Guttenberg, this is definitely the movie for you. Shirtless, an earring AND a motorcycle. He's the bad-boy single dad you've always dreamed of, isn't he?

Title: Zeus and Roxanne

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £2.98

Learning That Inter-species True Love Is Possible?: Priceless.

Steve: 1, Nazis: 0

2006-08-13T13:37:00.000+01:00

Steve Guttenberg is that rare actor - the one who knows his range, and pretty much stays within it. He's a light comedy kind of guy.

Want someone to be a befuddled bachelor taking care of a baby? Done. Want a guy to fall in love with the ghost of Daryl Hannah with wacky results? Done. Want someone to play the most beloved police cadet of all time? Done, done, done and done. Want someone to play a dedicated young Nazi hunter? What

That's right. It's 1978's Boys From Brazil, costarring Gregory Peck and Sir Laurence Olivier.

Oh yes. You read that right. Two Oscar winners, Nazi scientists, Nazi hunters and South America. And Steve Guttenberg. Or, as he's named in the credits "Steven Guttenberg". Clearly a drama this serious and important has no room for Steves.

It's the story of a Jewish Nazi hunter, Ezra Lieberman(Olivier), living in South America who spends most of his time tracking down rogue Nazis. Steve is an enthusiastic youngster who is an amateur Nazi hunter, and is tracking down Dr. Josef Mengele (Peck) who is up to various dastardly deeds. Lieberman tries to discourage Steve from his Nazi hunting, but does Steve listen?

Of course not! He's Steve Guttenberg! He's enthusiastic and dedicated! And, of course, he gets killed for his trouble. About 25 minutes into the movie.

But don't let that stop you from watching this - despite it's rampant Guttenberg killing, this is not a bad movie.

Mengele is trying to create a new Hitler, from 95 Hitler clones growing up around the world. The Hitler 2's are about 12 or 13 years old and Mengele is killing off their fathers because Hitler's dad died when he was that age. Lieberman finds out about the plot thanks to the good work of dead Steve Guttenberg, and tries to stop it. He and Mengele have a dramatic fight in the house of one of the Hitler 2's and Lieberman makes the dramatic decision not to have the Hitler clones killed. A LOT of time is spent explaining cloning, which was clearly necessary in 1978 but is a bit "Cloning? We get it. Shut up already." in 2006.

Anyway, for the only real drama in the Guttenberg filmography, it's good stuff.

Title: The Boys From Brazil

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 12

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £5.50

Seeing Steve killed by Nazis?: Priceless.

Guttenberg Returns To My Heart

2006-08-10T09:52:00.000+01:00

I received a comment this morning, from longtime project supporter Abby.

Hello? Helloooooo? Anybody there? Could you hurry up and finish this list please, I would like to be able to go into a charity shop and not head straight for the video section on the hunt for a Gutt film. It's exhausting.

That is all.

And people, she's so right. I have let you all down, when you've been nothing but supportive (if slightly confused) of the project.

As I haven't posted since May (MAY! What is UP with that??) I will now present to you a treat I know you've all been holding your collective breath in gleeful anticipation of:

It's 1988's Cocoon: The Return!

I was lucky enough to be joined by project instigator Heather and flatmate Buffy as we watched Steve reprise the role of the charming Captain Jack Bonner. (That's right. He was Captain Jack long before any of this pirate nonsense.)

Apparently, I was wrong in my belief that all human beings who ever lived are familiar with the plot of these movies. For those of you who have not been delighted by the madcap Cocoon antics, it's pretty straighforward.

The oldies miss Earth and their families and friends, so they come back for a visit. Grandchildren have grown! Things have changed! Daughters are still ignored! Hussies try to corrupt good men! Friendship is important!

They all learn Important Lessons about being human, and most of them decide to stay on Earth, except the ones that got themselves knocked up.

The most amusing part of the film is the appearance of Courteney Cox as dedicated scientist Sara, who finds one of the cocoons, cracks it open and bonds with the alien inside until the mean old government comes along and ruins the fun for everyone. This was during her stint on Family Ties as Alex's girlfriend Lauren, which was certainly when I first became aware of her. Who'd have thought that it wasn't a co-starring role with the estimable Mr. Guttenberg that would propel her to stardom, but some sitcom?

Although Steve reconnects with his alien girlfriend from the first film, an upsetting dinner where she glows and levitates and is generally inappropriate shows him that there's no real long term future. Will he find love with scientist Sara? Oh, I think we all know the answer to that question.

Sadly, the VHS copy of this fine film purchased on eBay was slightly less than perfect. And by "slightly less", I mean that for the last hour of the film, the picture was all wavy and not nice and made a sound that Heather can imitate very well, but which I sadly cannot duplicate in writing.

But people, I am nothing if not dedicated to the project, so I will have you know that I watched it anyway. And I forced Buffy and Heather to watch it with me. I am that devoted to Steve, and to you.

So, although I didn't technically see the end of this movie, I've seen it before so we can cross yet another branch off the Guttenberg tree. (I really don't know where that analogy came from.)

Title: Cocoon: The Return

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 13

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £5.45

Realizing that I will watch essentially unviewable copies of tapes just because of the project?: Priceless.

Bonus Time!

2006-05-21T12:57:00.001+01:00

As you all know, the rules of the mission state that only feature film releases are included in the mission.

(Actually, to be fair, that seems to be a rule that I have that I've never put in writing. But you'll see that the official list of films only includes theatrical releases, not TV movies.)

Anyway, I was doing my standard Guttenberg browse on eBay, and I came across this little beauty. How could I resist? It's Single Santa Seeks Mrs. Claus!

Now, it's not a theatrical release. It's a 2004 TV movie, that my have aired on the Hallmark channel, but I'm not sure about that. But anway, it doesn't count towards the mission. But I still had to buy it.

Steve plays Nick, the son of Santa, who is required to take over from his dad after Christmas. And, of course, he needs a wife. Crystal Bernard, who I loved on Wings, plays the woman that he falls for and decides to marry. Can he win her over before Christmas? Oh the suspense!!

It's a cute holiday TV movie. That pretty much sums it up.

It does have its flaws. If I were Beth, Crystal's character, and I was the single mother of an eight year old, I would probably be a little wary of the single middle aged man who spends so much time with kids. But I am clearly more suspicious than she is. And Guttenberg's choice to laugh with a "ho ho ho" instead of a normal laugh is cute at first but got a teensy bit grating.

But for every minus, there's a plus, the biggest of which being the awesome Thomas Calabro, who played the even more awesome Dr. Michael Mancini on the awesome Melrose Place. (And yes, that sentence was totally worthy of three awesomes.) He's just awesome. There's nothing more to say. He plays Beth's boss and is truly delightful.

This may set a dangerous TV movie purchasing trend, but I love the Christmas movie and I love the Guttenberg.

What's a girl to do?

Awesome.

It's Captain Guttenberg!

2006-05-06T16:06:00.002+01:00

Now, this is another one of those films that seems so obvious that I was sure I'd already added it to the mission. But, again, I was wrong.

Of course, I'd already seen this film. Who hasn't? I think it may be required by law. But I hadn't truly appreciated Steve's excellent contribution to the film.

He truly does shine in this, his only Ron Howard film, 1985's Cocoon.

The distributor of the DVD clearly realize that the appeal to the average consumer isn't in Wilford Brimley, or Jessica Tandy. No, DVD buyers are here for one reason and one reason only.

Steve Guttenberg.

Since I'm sure we all know the plot (old people made young by alien cocoons in a swimming pool, Guttenberg is the captain of the boat that aliens use to rescue their cocooned friends), I insead give you my random thoughts from watching the movie.

Dude. Wilford Brimley just said "ball sack". Like I needed to hear that?
27 is Steve's character's favourite number? 27 is MY favourite number! This is spooky.
Where the hell is that kid from? (He's Bastian from the Neverending Story! I had to look that up.)
My two favourite alien guys are the ones that barely speak. They're just there and slightly surly. Awesome.
Shirtless Guttenberg!
Is it wrong that I'm kind of liking the shirtless Guttenberg?
They are awfully reckless with the cocoons. You think they'd be slightly suspicious of them.
Ew, the elderly are getting frisky.
They're dancing! I wish I knew how to properly dance.
"She's not normal" - I don't know what that means, but I wrote it down so it must be relevant.
Awesome reason for swimming with the cocoons - "it's not bad for America, I guess"
Dude. Wilford Brimley's wife is really loyal. She's all "if my husband says he saw people from outer space, then they were from outer space, get the police dammit!"
Odd. I really remember the kid being in this more.
And they say goodbye to their grandson but not their daughter. Man, she must have issues.
Aw, bye Bernie!

Apparently, this movie made $100 million worldwide. And this was the 80's, so that actually meant something. Is it Steve's biggest hit? Well, according to the IMDB, no, but it's still pretty big.

And it's pretty good. Steve's very funny and charming. And although I could have done without the alien pool sex scene, I have no complaints at all about his performance. Well played Guttenberg. Well played.

Title: Cocoon

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 14

Purchased: on eBay (and I think someone gave me a copy too, but I forget who. Maybe Alexcia? Thanks dude!)

Price: £3.50

Never being able to erase the disturbing alien pool sex scene from my mind?: Priceless.

I swear to God, I thought I'd already done this one...

2006-05-01T20:17:00.000+01:00

So, I'm sitting here on a Monday evening on a bank holiday weekend, and having just updated the mission for the first time in absolutely ages, I was just checking out the blog to make sure that all the links were up to date and what have you.

And what do I find? Well, in the lovely list indicating which films have been completed, I see Police Academy, Police Academy 3 and Police Academy 4. But what's this? No Police Academy 2? Well, that can't be right. I swear to you, I really honestly thought I'd done this one. I've seen the movie - and recently too, I'd thought. Yeah, I was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Not that I'd seen it, because I swear I have. But it hasn't been added to the project, which raised a bit of a moral dilemma. Because I've seen it before, do I really need to watch it again? I really wrestled with this one, I tell you. Ultimately, I felt that I really did have to watch it again, because I really couldn't remember anything specific about the film. Other than Cadet Carey Mahoney being a super cool beach cop. But that wasn't enough.

Do you see what I go through for you people?

And now, for the second time in recent memory, the 1985 sequel to the classic original, Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

And of course, it's starring once again as your favourite cop and mine Carey Mahoney, one Mister Steve Guttenberg.

All our old favourites are back - Tackleberry, Hightower, the short girl one, the guy who makes noises, that guy who looks vaguely familiar but I can't really place. Good times, I tell you.

And man, the sight of Steve riding his beach bike thing wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts with knee socks is one sexy image that's going to keep you up at night.

And this movie is PG-13, so that means boobs. Could you be more excited?

The title really says it all - it's their first assignment. The rookies are paired with other cops to counter the threat of a gang lead by Bobcat Goldwaith in his second ever film. Thanks a lot, Police Academy. Did they really need to inflict the world with him?

I did find it charming that although Steve is clearly the leading man here, they give Tackleberry the romantic subplot. He's charmed by his tough yet hot motorcycle partner.

It's a Police Academy movie. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. Wacky hi-jinks, inept criminals and inept cops eventually saving the day.

This one doesn't have a hot air balloon race, though. So means it can't be the best Police Academy movie ever, though it's certainly better than the third one.

Title: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 15

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £2.50

Being slightly better than Police Academy 3?: Priceless.

Steve's Soccer Film, Take 2

2006-05-01T19:55:00.000+01:00

As we all know, after the glory days of the Three Men & A Baby/Police Academy/Coccoon days, our good friend Steve Guttenberg made a bit of a career switch into the children's film.

(By the way, that pattern is closely mirrored in the films of one Mr. John Travolta - from Saturday Night Fever to Look Who's Talking. Do we see a suprising and yet fabulous career resurgance in an edgy yet hugely popular film on Steve's horizon? Perhaps.)

But I digress. This is the second Steve Guttenberg soccer film in the project, suggesting a secret love of the game. Once again, we see unruly and rebellious children being tamed by a caring foreign accented teacher, soccer and Steve Guttenberg. Seriously, these movies are really similar.

But this one's not Canadian, and therefore must be better. I give you 1995's The Big Green.

We clearly realize we're looking at a quality film, because we have only one name above the title - Steve Guttenberg. Classic.

And this is clearly an ideal childrens' film, because not only is there a shot of a kid being hit in the crotch with a soccer ball, but it promises to be the "wildest, wackiest football team ever!" Well, I don't know about you, but I'm excited!

Steve plays the sheriff in a small Texan town who, with the help of British teacher Olivia d'Abo gives the kids in his tiny town a reason to be proud of themselves, blah, blah, blah.

Actually, it wasn't too bad. It opened with an animated goat sequence, so you know you can't go wrong. And Steve's accent wasn't too bad at all. I think this may be the first film where he's used an accent, other than the hideous New Zealeand accent in Don't Tell Her It's Me, which we're never thinking of again, thanks very much. Anyway, this one's not too bad.

This is actually a pretty cute film. The kids are actually good - cute but not in a movie-puke-cute way, but in a real kid way. There's a bit of pre-teen romance which is adorable, an illegal immigrant B-plot which is a bit unexpected, and of course Steve's accent. You just can't go wrong.

And people, there's an animated goat. Excellent!

Title: The Big Green

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 16

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £0.01 + delivery

Hearing Steve Guttenberg's Texan accent: Priceless.

My dreams are shaming me...

2006-04-27T10:10:00.000+01:00

So, I had this dream last night.

I was in LA, and walking to the Beverley Center (note: I have never been to the Beverley Center. It probably does not contain a Target, as it did in my dream.), you know because everyone walks in LA. Anyway, I go into one of the stores that opens to the outside and it's a music store, not unlike HMV, except not.

Anyway, I'm browsing through the bargain DVD section, and I come across a Steve Guttenberg movie that I'd been searching for for ages and ages. It's an obscure Sci-Fi movie starring Steve and Sandra Bullock. The cover is all blue and it's a shot of the two of them looking really sternly at the camera. I don't remember what it was called.

There were actually two versions of it, one with cast commentary for $10.99 and one without for $4.96. I was all torn - is the cast commentary really worth it?

I can't remember what happened after that, but obviously my subconscious is trying to shame me into updating the Project by inventing Steve Guttenberg movies and having me find them in gleeful bargain hunting sprees in Los Angeles.

Fine, subconscious. You win. This time.

Guttenberg For The Holidays

2006-02-26T10:28:00.000Z

This is actually a Guttenberg film that I'd seen before without realizing that Steve Guttenberg played a key role. Can you believe it? Oh, the sad days before I started being hyper-aware of his presence. I'm much happier that I'm in a constant state of Guttenberg awareness now.

Anyway. It's the Jodie Foster Thanksgiving film, 1995's Home For The Holidays!

Now, Steve Guttenberg's not really the star here. In fact, he doesn't make his first appearance until 40 minutes into the film. He plays the super-tense husband of the always funny Cynthia Stevenson, who plays the sister of star Holly Hunter.

Guttenberg's Walter (standard name of every super-tense husband in every film ever) doesn't have much to do, other than be annoyed by his brother-in-law Robert Downey Jr.

I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't much like this movie, mainly because I found the characters of Claudia (Holly Hunter's character) and Tommy (Robert Downey Jr.) so freaking annoying that I couldn't stand to watch them.

You're not supposed to sympathise with the hyper sister and her tense husband, but I did, because if I had to be realated to two such selfish and mean idiots, I'd probably act just the same way. I mean, they throw a turkey on her! Wouldn't you be upset if that happened?

Guttenberg's good, as always, but I probably wouldn't watch this again.

I do have to raise a complaint on behalf of the Gütt. In the family photo on the cover of the DVD, every single cast member present at the family Thanksgiving is there, except Steve Guttenberg. Outrageous I say! Even his kids are there, and they barely have speaking lines! If I were his agent, I would be writing a strongly worded letter of complaint. Strongly worded, I say!

Title: Home For The Holidays

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17

Purchased: on Amazon.co.uk

Price: £5.25

Hearing Guttenberg say "Beep beep, brother-in-law" to Robert Downey Jr: Priceless.

Can't Stop The Guttenberg!

2006-02-24T15:02:00.000Z

Seriously, how can you really describe this movie?

It's 1980's Can't Stop The Music! Doesn't it look fab? But what can we expect from watching it? Well, let's see what the box promises. Can it deliver?

Oh, it can deliver indeed. And "camp-tacular" - that's the best I can come up with.

The plot isn't important, really. It's about Steve Guttenberg, as a songwriter and DJ. Who forms the freaking Village People with the help of his platonic roommate, former model Sam.

He forms the Village People, people. He creates them. He writes their songs. He is the mastermind behind the campest disco ever, and that's saying a lot.

The opening scene is the Gutt's character, Jack Morell (not the similarity to the real Village People creator Jacques Morali) quitting his job in a record shop and rollerskating through New York City.

He rollerskates through New York City! On rollerskates!! This may top the "Miss Piggy borrows skates from Gregory Hines and chases down her mugger in Central Park" scene from the Muppets Take Manhattan as the best rollerskating scene set in New York.

I can't think that there was ever a time when this was conceived as a straight movie in any way. It is the campest thing I have ever seen. And I've seen some camp movies in my time, I'll tell you that.

Of course, it's not a good movie. The plot is sketchy at best. They get their big break in a milk ad? What? There's a whole subplot involving Steve Guttenberg's mom? What? All these people are flying to San Francisco to help them out? What? The construction worker has a solo dance number with lots of hot chicks, implying that he is straight? What??

But the plot's not important here. It's campy and fun and chock full o' Village People songs.
It's quite telling that of all the actors that appeared in the film (and I'm including Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner in that category, although it does imply he can act, which he cannot), our man Steve Guttenberg is pretty much the only one who managed to salvage his career. Nice one, Steve. Shake it off, and move on to better things.

I'd recommend this for the roller skating scene alone. Trust me, it's worth it.

Title: Can't Stop The Music

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £10.00, and worth every penny.

Steve as the star of the campest movie ever, of all time, ever: Priceless.

Steve Guttenberg Facts

2006-01-30T13:50:00.000Z

Helpful reader Ryan emailed me with a super fabulous resource for those of us that love us some Steve Guttenberg.

The Steve Guttenberg Facts, while possibly lacking in authenticity, are still utterly delightful.

Following the hugely popular Chuck Norris Facts model, you'll learn some surprising things about our good buddy Steve.

I like this one for its Norris tie-in:

Once, while on a walk, Steve Guttenberg ran into Chuck Norris. He waved and said hello, but Chuck Norris ignored him. Guttenberg pondered this encounter the entire way home and ended up writing poetry for the rest of the day.

Good times, I tell you. He may be less tough than Chuck Norris, but he's no less loveable.

Two Twins, a Scientologist and The Gutt

2005-12-22T20:53:00.000Z

Now, unless you've been living under a very large and heavy rock since 1987, you may be aware of the phenomenon of the Olsen Twins. (Funny story, when I was a kid I thought there were three of them - Mary, Kate and Ashley Olsen.)

These two crazy kids have been making movies since Full House ended in 1995. I have had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing several of these movies. I'm not proud, mind you. I'm just saying.
However, I seem to have missed the "classic" 1995 film It Takes Two starring one Mister Steve Guttenberg along with Kirstie Alley, in what was in a string of bad post-Cheers films.

Clearly, we are a the height of Alley fame here, as she trumps our man in the credits game.

It's basically a poor man's Parent Trap. It's even a poor man's Parent Trap remake. In terms of acting ability, the Olsens definitely rank behind both Hayley Mills and Lindsay Lohan. And they only have to play one twin each. Slackers.

They don't seem to be actual twins though - they're identical strangers! You know how often that happens. I think I saw it on the news yesterday.

Anyway, Steve-o plays the dad of the rich twin, Alyssa. Kirstie is the case worker of the poor twin, Amanda. She wants to adopt her, but the man gets in the way because he doesn't want kids adopted by poor, single moms. Steve has fallen in love with a rich lady, Clarice (Carol from Friends in a BAD wig), who, you'll never guess, is eeeeeeeeevil. By a completely wacky coincidence, Amanda ends up at a summer camp across from Alyssa's house.

If you can't guess the plot from here, then I am so, so sad for you. You need to stop having a real life and sit down on your couch and watch a LOT more bad tv.

There's not really more to say about this movie. It's an Olsen Twins movie. Of course it's bad. But Steve's not too bad, consider he's in a freakin' Olsen Twins movie. And isn't that what matters?

Title: It Takes Two

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 19

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £2.50

Knowing that Steve was right in there at the start of the Olsen empire: Priceless.

**Edited to add - I've just found out I know the woman who did extras casting on this movie. I'm one degree from the Gutt!

A Question of Guttenberg

2005-10-31T21:44:00.000Z

This one is a little bit special.

It's the first Guttenberg film. A full ten years before he would dazzle us in Three Men & A Baby, a young Steve Guttenberg proudly donned the mantle of "professional actor" as he took on the challenging and special role of Mike Cappelletti in the classic film A Question of Life (aka Something for Joey). Do you think it was a coincidence that this momentous occasion occurred in the year in which I was born? Me neither.

Steve isn't the star here. He plays the brother of the two main characters, and has very little screen time. But when he's there, is he supportive of young Joey? Oh, I think you know he is.

It's a bit of a long film, but this is the plot (from the imdb.com)

This is based on the true story about the relationship between Penn State football player John Cappelletti and his younger brother Joey, who has leukemia. John and Joey's bond is a strong one. Joey hangs out with John in the Penn State locker room, and inspires him to be the top college football player in the country. Their bond knows no boundaries and goes beyond making touchdowns and winning awards.

It's very touching. Joey and John are close. Joey inspires John to win the coveted Heisman trophy. Joey dies.

It's very sad. Yet, very inspirational. And fabulously seventies. Oddly enough, though, Joey and his mother look nothing like this:

I'm not sure why the artist chose to depict two people who do not appear in the film. It's a bit of a mystery.

A classic Guttenberg film. A momentous Guttenberg moment. Pure Guttenberg gold.

Title: A Question of Life (aka Something For Joey)

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 20

Purchased: on eBay

Price: £5.79

Seeing the genesis of the Guttenberg Film Dynasty: Priceless.

Three Men & Hilarity

2005-10-31T21:24:00.000Z

Of all the films featured in the Steve Guttenberg Project, this is the film that has had the most devoted searcher.

You may remember that way back in July, a mere week or so after the mission started, Abby had a possible lead on the classic film Three Men & A Little Lady. Sadly, it turned out she was thinking of a copy of Sister Act recorded off the television that her mother had thrown out.

I appreciated her attempt, but figured that this was one that I’d have to track down for myself. Imagine my delight when I received this email:

Hello Alice,
Remember when I led you on by telling you that I could get you a copy of Three
Men and a Little Lady? And it turned out to be a cruel lie?
Well, I was so upset at having to let you down that I have been trawling the
charity shops of Beckenham High Street ever since, and on Saturday I got my
reward!
Yes, I have found you a copy of 3MAALL! Hooray!!
So, if you would be so kind as to send me your address, I'll pop Mr G and his crazy pals in the post to you!
He he!
Abby

How amazing is that? I sent her my address and before you knew it, I had my hands on this little beauty.

I firmly believe that Steve Guttenberg is at his most likeable as comic writer and one-of-three dads Michael.

He has a bit of the unfortunate role in this movie of being neither Mary’s biological father (Ted Danson) or her mother’s love interest (Tom Selleck). He’s more the fun dad who brings you presents and plays with you, but who you really wouldn’t rely on for anything serious.

I especially appreciated this film because I live in England now, and of course, the dramatic climax of the movie involves Tom Selleck’s Peter flying to England to stop the marriage of Mary’s mother to some director guy.

We then get a nice lesson in “American stereotypes of the British”. Unpleasant director man lives in a huge English manor, he’s incredibly posh, they won’t let Mary do things like play inside, they’re going to send her to boarding school, blah, blah, blah.

There are some “hilarious” moments in involving Peter and Michael driving a mini through a road full of sheep.

But the plot’s not really the point here, is it?

We’re looking at our good buddy Steve and his delightful antics. I have two words for you – bedtime rap.

How can you not love ANY movie that contains Ted Danson wearing an alarm clock around his neck as the three of them painfully “rap”?

Title: Three Men & A Little Lady

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 21

Purchased: By the lovely and fabulous Abby

Trying to erase the bedtime rap from my mind: Priceless.

Guttenberg on the Moon!

2005-10-09T13:35:00.000+01:00

Amazon Women on the Moon is a bit of an odd fish in the world of the Guttenberg film.

It doesn’t star Steve, or really anyone for that matter. It’s more like a series of sketches (some very funny, some just strange and some painfully unfunny) one of which stars our good buddy Steve Guttenberg.

Let’s concentrate on his sketch, called "Two I.D.'s", since that’s why we’re here. He plays a young man who arrives to pick up Rosanna Arquette for a blind date. To his (and our!) hilarious surprise, she demands a credit card and some ID before the date, and does a relationship check. And what does she find? Why, he’s a bit of a player and has a saucy reputation of using the same lines to get the ladies in the sack.

I mock, but it’s actually quite funny.

The rest of the movie is a bit hit and miss, but such is the nature of such an odd film.

This movie was released at the height of Guttenberg fame – just post Police Academy and pre Three Men & A Baby.

I’d probably watch it again, but skip through the not funny bits.

Huh. I have surprisingly little to say about this movie. Odd.

Title: Amazon Women on the Moon

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 22

Purchased: On ebay

Price: £2.85

Hearing Steve Guttenberg use a line about sushi to seduce the ladies: Priceless.

Go team, go!

2005-10-09T13:05:00.000+01:00

What do you get when you combine orphans on the brink of homelessness, soccer, a French Canadian social worker and the Gütt as a scandal ridden former athlete (or coach, or something like that)?

The best darn Canadian film I’ve seen in absolutely ages.

It’s 1998’s Home Team, and it’s fun for the whole family.

Steve plays a disgraced former athlete, or coach, or something like that (I have to confess – I got a bit confused there) who is sentenced to a year of working as a handyman in an house for orphans for some kind of gambling related charge. Or an “orphanage” as some might call it.

There’s some weird sexual tension with the woman who runs the house – I thought she was a nun, but apparently she’s just a social worker, so it’s okay if they hook up.

Steve clashes with the kids and doesn’t want to get involved because, you’ll never guess – HE was an orphan and knows these kids need tough love and to learn that they can’t rely on anyone, ever.

Will the kids change his mind? Will the soccer team they’re forced to play on bring them all together? Will they save their house and avoid having to live in the funeral home down the road (don’t ask)?

I think you’ll find that the answers yes, yes and oh my yes.

I was absolutely delighted to find out that this movie was Canadian. I am a huge supporter of bad Canadian movies – especially if they star the Gütt.

I’ve got to confess. I didn’t really pay attention to this movie, as I was doing some cleaning when it was on. But it didn’t look half bad. The kids aren’t that annoying, and it had a few moments that actually made me laugh out loud. And the romance with the French Canandian not-nun weren’t too painful. On the whole, it wasn’t too bad.

And that’s saying quite a bit – we are in the late nineties overacting phase of Guttenberg’s career here.

Title: Home Team

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 23

Purchased: On ebay

Price: £3.00

Fantastically cheesy Canadian goodness: Priceless.

Are you going to eat that sandwich?

2005-10-09T12:44:00.000+01:00

This is one of the most exciting Gütt films – it’s one of the ones I was actually looking forward to owning. It’s 1982’s Diner!

I purchased it in the great Ebay binge of Summer 2005, but since I haven’t been adding to the mission as often as I should, the delightful Alexcia brought me a copy on DVD. See you later VHS copy!

For those of you not familiar with this classic film (and you all should be, so go and rent it immediately if you haven’t seen it already), it’s set in Baltimore in the late 50’s.

The Gütt plays Eddie, one of six friends who hang out at a diner (hence the title) in Baltimore. The movie’s not really about anything. It’s more the relationships between the guys, and their girlfriends/wives. But not in a pukey, sappy way.

Steve’s character Eddie has one of the classic moments in the film – he gives a football (for you Brits, that’s American football, not soccer) quiz to his fiancée two days before his wedding. If she fails, the wedding’s off. Clearly, this guy is a keeper.

This film has some of my favourite movie dialogue of all time. I can’t think of another movie that captures the way friends really talk to each other – it’s full of conversations that don’t advance the plot or serve any purpose other than being hi-freaking-larious.

This one may be my favourite. And, of course, it features the Gütt.

MODELL (to Eddie): What's that, roast beef?
EDDIE: Don't ask me this anymore, Modell. Yes.
MODELL: Gonna finish that?
EDDIE: Yeah, I'm gonna finish it. I paid for it; I'm not going to give it to you.
MODELL: Because if you're not gonna finish it, I would eat it...but if you're gonna eat it—
EDDIE: What do you want?! Say the words.
MODELL: No,...if you're gonna eat it, you eat; that's all right.
EDDIE: Say the words: "I want the roast-beef sandwich." Say the words, and I'll give you a piece.
SHREVIE: Would you guys cut this out? I mean, every time…

It’s also a film that’s chock full o' future stars. It co-stars Kevin Bacon (in his first major role), Ellen Barkin (in her first film), Daniel Stern (first major role), Mickey Rourke (before he became a scary plastic man), Paul Reiser (in his first film), Timothy Daly (ditto), and of course, the Gütt.

Amusingly, at the time, Steve was the actor with the most experience. And, of all the cast, has he gone on to the most illustrious career? I’ll leave that for you to decide.

The DVD has the added bonus of a documentary featuring interviews with all the cast, and director Barry Levinson. It’s very enjoyable, made even more so by the tantalizing absence of Mickey Rourke and several veiled comments to arguments and stress amongst the cast. Could Mickey Rouke be involved in a 20 year feud with the Gütt? We can only hope so!

Title: Diner

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 24

Purchased: By Alexcia, and delivered all the way from Canada.

Owning a movie I probably would have bought anyway: Priceless.

Casper-tastic!

2005-09-30T10:36:00.000+01:00

I've had a lot of support for the project, from lots of people, and it's all been very exciting. Some people have searched for any Guttenberg film, and some people have been keeping their eyes open for one particular film.

Sarah is one of the second group. And which film was it that she was looking for?

Casper: A Spirited Beginning.

Interesting, no?

But strange motives for purchases aside, her own personal mission means that we can tick another box on the Guttenberg mission.

Released in 1997, this is a weird mix of CGI and live action. It begins with a train journey with young Casper trying to figure out what's going on and where he is. Because he is a dead little boy who doesn't realize that he's dead.

Clearly, the perfect beginning to a children's movie.

Steve plays the father of the kid on the front. He is a BAD DAD. He's an architect who is trying to revitalize his town by pulling down haunted old abandonded mansions and put up strip malls. Lori Loughlin, also known as television's favourite Aunt Becky, plays the kid's teacher, who is violently opposed to the pulling down of haunted old abandonded mansions and putting up strip malls.

Will these crazy opposites attract? Oh, I think they will.

There's a LOT of overacting in this movie, but from everyone, so we can't really place the blame on poor Steve Guttenberg.

It ends up with everyone living happily ever after and no one pulls down the haunted old abandonded masion.

Title: Casper - A Spirited Beginning

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 25

Purchased: By the delightful Miss Sherlock

Steve as a BAD DAD who is reformed by a ghost: Priceless.

Aw, he's a good guy!

2005-09-15T09:48:00.000+01:00

Via the LA Daily News:

DOING HIS ALL: Steve Guttenberg is calling upon fellow famous folk to roll up their sleeves and get to work, literally, on behalf of Hurricane Katrina evacuees. He decided to do just that and arrived at the Houston Astrodome last Tuesday. There, he's been working as an American citizen, he says, rather than as a celebrity - doing everything from loading cots to sanitizing toys to taking evacuees to buy supplies. He says he will stay "as long as I can," until he starts a movie at month's end. "I feel blessed in that I was able to come. I don't have a 9-to-5 job. What's great about being well-known is, when you come down here anonymously, put on a baseball cap and a wristband and do regular jobs, people 'discover' you, and they get a great kick out of it," says Guttenberg - who's getting so much recognition from "Police Academy" fans, he's reaching out to other "Police Academy" cast members to come join him.
He holds the strong view that "it's time to help, not time to have a big party with celebrities congratulating themselves and doing their latest hit songs. It's like watching the Oscars - rich people getting awards. That's why I'm respecting Sean Penn - he's down here with the people.

He's such a good guy! I'm going to update the mission in his honour!

Citizens on Patrol ... on the streets of my heart

2005-09-01T16:15:00.000+01:00

I was recently back in Toronto, and met my good friend Aaron for lunch. Aaron has been very supportive of the mission. But there's supportive, and there's supportive.

He presented me with this little beauty, and I was ever so touched.

Now, I was of course thrilled to receive Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol, but after the painful viewing of the third installment in the series, I was concerned.

Could I make it through this movie without wanting to gouge my eyes out with a fork? I was a little concerned, but decided to risk it.

I couldn't bring myself to sum up the movie for you, so I present my thoughts during the viewing of this film:

An opening rap. An interesting choice.
Huh. Hightower is “acting”.
It’s that young Tackleberry kid from Police Academy 3. Continuity!
David Spade! In hot pink!!! And he’s a skater!!! This could NOT get better. Is this supposed to appeal to the “kids”?
Touching reunion between Harris & Mahoney. Ooh, conflict!
SHARON STONE?!?
Oh the elderly. Always good for a laugh.
Why is Sharon Stone shouting her lines?
Harris in charge? Oh, I suspect there will be hi-jinks!
Wet t-shirt on Callahan. Classy.
If there is a Bobcat Goldwaith romance movie, I will VOMIT.
There’s nothing funnier than a fat guy dancing.
Toilet jokes. Always funny.
Hey, aren’t there supposed to be “citizens” in this movie?
Only 50 minutes in. Huh. Seems longer.
Oh, thanks god. The Bobcat Goldwaith kiss was thwarted. I was going to have to vomit.
I have a fondness for the actor who plays Proctor. I’m not proud, but there it is.
Hey! Continuity! What a wacky idea!
Wait – are those ninjas?
A hot air balloon chase. Well, I guess I haven’t seen that before.
And a closing rap. Sure, why not?

I have to say, I was somewhat pleasantly surprised. It's not a good movie, but it's not terrible. Steve is once again likable as Sgt. Carey Mahoney. Sharon Stone's presence is mystifying, until you realize that she was a good three years away from anything close to stardom.

There are extras on the DVD, but I can't bring myself to watch them yet. But I'm sure that "Remembering A Lofty Investigation" will provide much insight into the making of this classic.

All in all, not the worst movie I've seen this week. And that's not such a bad thing.

Title: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 26

Purchased: by the delightful and ever so dashing Aaron

Seriously, A Hot-Air Balloon Chase?: Priceless.

A-List Celebrities? This must be a mistake.

2005-08-31T21:45:00.000+01:00

I have to confess, this film was a bit of a surprise. I was not familiar with the wonder that is High Spirits. Apparently, I was alone in this.

Of all the films I've collected so far, this is the first one that peole actually said "Oh, I think I've seen that one. Could I borrow it?"

Borrow? A Steve Guttenberg film? This is unprecedented. And fabulous!

That being said, I'm sure you're all familiar with the following film.

It's the touching tale of a man who invents stories about ghosts in his castle to lure in tourists. Imagine his surprise when those ghosts turn out to be real! Oh, the hilarity!

But wait - that's not enough for you?

How about a little romance?

What could be more touching than the love between a man unhappy in his marriage and a ghost who's been reliving her own murder for the past two hundred years?

Despite Daryl Hannah's "Irish" accent and a touch of Gutttenberg overacting, this actually isn't bad at all. It's pretty funny. And it's chock full of recognizable names! Who'd have thought?

Peter O'Toole, Beverley D'Angelo, Jennifer Tilly, Peter Gallagher, Liam Neeson. In 1988, these were all big names, I'll have you know.

I was very pleasantly surprised by this movie. And I'd probably watch it again. Who'd have thought?

Title: High Spirits

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 27

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £3.50, including delivery

The Most Beloved Guttenberg Movie Yet?: Priceless.

It would have been SUCH a good birthday treat

2005-08-29T19:26:00.000+01:00

As a celebration of Mr. Guttenberg's birthday (as if the cake wasn't enough!), I will be doing what they said couldn't be done.

They didn't think it was possible.

Let's see if we can prove them wrong.

Tonight, for one night only, I will be real-time blogging during the viewing of the classic film....

Police Academy 3: Back In Training.

The more astute of you may notice that there is a gap in the Police Academy ouevre. I am in posession of the classic first film, Police Academy, and yet am missing the sequel.

Never fear! It is being tracked down as we speak and will shortly be fulfilling its destiny as a member of the mission.

But now for the task at hand. Police Academy 3. I hope you enjoy it as much as I am sure to.

9:30 pm - The film, she begins. Oooh, autotracking!

9:31 pm - Previews! Rob Lowe + hockey + the line "you wanna go, pretty boy?" + Patrick Swayze = Alice is intrigued. Mental note: rent Youngblood.

9:33 pm - The system says even killers have rights. Stallone is Cobra. Alice is bored.

9:34 pm - Some Martin Scorcese movie that I'm bored with already. After Hours? That's a movie? Huh. Although who doesn't find the effervescent presence of Teri Garr delightful?

9:35 pm - The Colour Purple? Does that really have the same target demographic as Police Academy 3? Who's in charge of these previews?

9:36 pm - Woo hoo! Feature presentation. (This film is rated PG. All readers under 13 should avert their eyes. There will likely be T&A)

9:37 pm - Bubba Smith is next billed after Steve Guttenberg. Who knew Hightower had such a good agent? We're also going to be privildged to see Bobcat Goldwaith as "Zed". Lucky! Oh, and there's also some intrigue going on in a parking garage. The titles are more interesting.

9:40 pm - Oh! It's the bad guys! Commandant whatsit and Lieutennant that guy and Former cadets whosit and the guy! Competing academies! Now we're talking - this is drama.

9:43 pm - Written by Gene Quintano. His mother must be so proud.

9:44 pm - Callahan is so sassy! Also she's very tall. Oh! And it's the guy who makes the funny voices. He's hi-larious.

9:45 pm - Who can save the day? Mahoney! Of course! Ahh, Steve. I can't believe it took NINE minutes for the first Guttenberg appearance. "Nice one", Gene.

9:46 pm - Oh, all our favourites are back now. Hightower, Tackleberry, and a dramatic walking shot. What more could we want? Theyr'e all so serious and intense. I bet they can save the academy.

9:49 pm - Intro the new recruits. The wife of some nerdy guy I should probably recognize, some other nerdy guy on a bike, a rich guy in a limo with a cravat. Hilarious!

9:53 pm - The bad academy has a Chinese recruit - first racist remark! Oh, they're shipping him off to Lassard's. Do you think he'll turn out to be invaluable? We've also got the shy (and sure to be a secret hottie) female recruit, Tackleberry's cousin or something who punches people in the face, hot blonde chick for the Gütt to hit on.

9:57 pm - Hey! Hightower just called Mahoney "babe". Do you think they're secret lovers? Also, Bobcat Goldwaith will be playing himself. And, as per usual, he will be annoying.

10:02 pm - Should I be bored?

10:03 pm - Did they just decide that funny voice guy is just funny on his own? Cause I don't know that he is. And hot blonde chick is a BAD actress.

10:10 pm - Aw, Tackleberry is bonding with the nerdy guy. That's really touching.

[We now have bit of a time jump. Four days, to be exact.]

Right. When they said it couldn't be done? That was because it couldn't be done. And the reason that it couldn't be done is that this movie is SO PAINFULLY BAD that it is practically impossible to force yourself to watch it.

There's no point telling you what happens with the rest of the movie. It's exactly what you think. Many "funny" situations, PG-13 nudity, "romance", and "hilarious" voices. It's .... well, it's not good.

Man, this is a bad movie. Steve is likeable, but the movie is horrible. Actually, that's not true. It's not creative enough to be horrible. It's just meidocre. Sad, really.

Title: Police Academy 3: Back In Training

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 28

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £2.00, including delivery

The First Guttenberg Movie I Couldn't Watch In One Sitting: Shamefully priceless.

It's a Magical Day!

2005-08-24T16:31:00.000+01:00

You'll never guess what today is.

Well, yes. It is Wednesday. Wednesday the 24th of August.

And what happened on August 24, 1958 in New York?

A certain Mr. Steve Guttenberg arrived into the world ... and into our hearts.

And so we say to you, Steve Guttenberg, happy 47th birthday.

Have some cake.

Dr. Guttenberg to the ER - stat!

2005-08-23T22:44:00.000+01:00

Now, we're back to the Guttenberg as we know and love him.

Also purchased in the great eBay binge of August 2005, we come across a pure example of Guttenberg gold.

"Bad Medicine" is the touching tale of a young man in a family of doctors who can't get into any medical school in the United States, so naturally heads to some unnamed South American country to attend a dodgy medical school there. Does he win his dad's respect? Oh, you bet he does.

You're touched, aren't you?

Steve's character Jeff meets a delightful group of students from varying walks of life. There's the gorgeous former nurse who's just a little bit insecure, played by 80's comedy staple Julie Haggerty. The hilarious female character for a bit of contrast, played by Julie Kavner. The speed freak roommate, played by perennial crazy guy Curtis Armstrong. That guy from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", played by Robert Romanus.

But of this illustrious cast, who do we think gets top billing?

Oh, that's right. It's a little someone I like to call Mister Steve Guttenberg.

This is typical 80's comedy. Offensive, yet innocuous. Charming, yet irritating. Racist, .... well, it's a bit racist. There's no real upside to that.

This is also the first Guttenberg film that I hadn't heard of that got the reaction of "oh, I've seen that one" from a friend.

Quality. Just quality.

Title: Bad Medicine

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 29

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £2.89, including delivery

Bad 80's Comedy At Its Finest: Oh, that's priceless baby.

A Secret Affair. A Violent Crime. A Brutal Killer.

2005-08-23T22:19:00.000+01:00

I think we've made our first misstep on the magical road to Guttenberg happiness.

And by "we", I of course mean me. Through the wonder that is eBay, I managed to track down a little VHS I like to call "The Bedroom Window".

You can see the drama right there on the case. A Secret Affair. A Violent Crime. A Brutal Killer.

What the box fails to mention is the crucial last bit. A Boring Film.

Now, it's exciting that once again Mr. Guttenberg takes centre stage with his top billing. Oh, he's certainly the star here.

His intense, booding stare tells us that this is going to be one incredible rollercoaster of a film.

The premise is a pretty good one: a woman is having an affair with her husband's employee. While at her boyfriend's house, she sees an attempted murder outside his bedroom window. To avoid giving away the affair, he reports the crime as if he'd seen it himself. Because his story isn't quite right, the police begin to suspect him as the murderer. How will he prove his innocence?

See? It sounds good, doesn't it?

Oh, but it all goes wrong. There are a lot of odd, intense, scary music cues that don't fit with the action on the screen. And all the actors speak with this tone of voice as if they're hiding something, making all the characters seem like they're lying, even if they're not. It's all very bizarre.

Now, I'll confess that I didn't exactly watch the whole thing. I got a bit bored, and besides, I had laundry to do. So I missed how the Elizabeth McGovern character (who was the victim of the crime seen through the famed Bedroom Window) got involved with Steve-o. But they, of course, become romantically involved after the boss's wife gets sadly killed.

Okay, it's not about the plot. It's about the miscasting of Steve Guttenberg in a dramatic role.

The Gütt has a delightful, low key on screen presence. Do I want to see him taking care of an unexpected baby? You bet I do. Do I want to see him interacting with a robot who has come to life? I wouldn't miss it. Do I want to see him transforming himself from an overweight cartoonist into a leather clad Kiwi named Lobo? Just try and keep me away.

Do I want to see him being intense and broody and running for his life? Um, no.

So, nice try Mr. Guttenberg. But it's just not working for me. Better luck next time.

Title: The Bedroom Window

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 30

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £2.99, including delivery

A Bad Overly Dramatic Movie: Eh, not so priceless.

"Will she still love Lobo when she discovers he's really Gus?"

2005-08-16T22:18:00.000+01:00

It's an exciting two-for-one day here at The Steve Guttenberg Project!

In the recent influx of eBay purchases, I came across this little gem:

Perhaps you know it as The Boyfriend School, which seems to be how it's billed on TV. But I'm here to tell you that Don't Tell Her It's Me is a can't miss classic.

Steve is, of course, the first billed star. He's the one we're not supposed to tell her it is! He's the one going to the boyfriend school!

Right abouve his manly gaze, there it is. Sure, Shelley Long gets her name in a box, with the coveted "as 'Lizzie'", but I thnk we all know who the star is here.

The premise is simple. Steve plays Gus, a cartoonist recovering from cancer. Shelley Long plays his older and bossier sister Lizzie. She's anxious to get him set up with a nice lady. She's also a romance novelist. Jami Gertz plays Emily Pear, a journalist who is out to get the true story of people behind romance novels. She meets Lizzie, and Lizzie realizes she'll be perfect for Gus. One blind double date later, and it's not love. So, Lizzie decides to turn Gus into the perfect man, who is apparently a mulleted, leather wearing, Kiwi named Lobo.

You know how women love men named Lobo.

And the hair. Ohhhhh, the hair.

How could you not fall in love with this man?

Now, it doesn't all go smoothly for Gus once he becomes Lobo. Aftter he woos Emily into bed and makes sweet, sweet love to her, he feels the need to confess. Surprisingly, Emily does not take kindly to being lied to and kicks him out of bed.

What will happen? Will Gus get his lady? Will Lizzie interfere? Will there be a last minute airport kiss?

Yes, yes and my goodness yes.

Now, I have a confession to make. While this movie certainly wasn't good, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. In fact, I laughed a few times. I like Shelley Long. And she's pretty good in this movie. The Gutt's New Zeland accent is horrible, but he's kind of charming. And Jami Gertz is inoffensive.

I would watch this movie again. Especially if it was on TV on a weekend afternoon. Judge me if you must.

Title: Don't Tell Her It's Me (aka. The Boyfriend School)

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 31

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £2.89, including delivery

Realizing I would probably watch this again: Priceless. Pricelessly embarassing.

Cadet Carey Mahoney, reporting for duty!

2005-08-16T21:47:00.000+01:00

eBay really is wonderful, isn't it? After the exciting first eBay find, I thought I'd take another look. And oh, I hit the jackpot baby.

Oh, that's right. It's the classic first Police Academy. And is the box ever right - what an institution!

Now, I was delighted to see that our good buddy Steve wins the coveted first billing in this cinematic gem.

It may be a bit fuzzy, but it's there. And if you're taking first billing over the likes of Kim Catrall in the very year she appeared in the Oscar nominated** Porky's, then you are talking about a very impressive feat indeed.

Now, I did watch this movie the other night. And I'm sorry to tell you that it doesn't hold up especially well,

It turns out that "comedy" in 1984 was a bit different than it is today. Racial slurs, gay jokes and breasts don't seem to make up the majority of today's comedies. But that aside, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen.

Steve plays Cadet Carey Mahoney, a loveably hot headed troublemaker who is sentenced to join the Police Academy after he wrecks a car at his valet job. And here's the clever part - he's not allowed to quit, but he can leave if he gets kicked out! Will wacky hijinks ensue? You bet they will!

I didn't pay attention to quite a lot of the movie, so I missed why they get sent out to the riot, and I missed why Kim Catrall starts dating him, but all your favourite Police Academy characters are there: Hightower, Tackleberry, Callahan, Hooks, Commandant Lassard, Lt. Harris and that guy that makes the noises.

Good times. Good times, indeed.

Oh, Steve. Where will this exciting journey take us next?

** I really didn't bother to check my facts there, but it probably was. Come on! It's Canadian! Best foreign film all the way!

Title: Police Academy

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 32

Purchased: On eBay

Cost: £3.04, including delivery

Political incorrectness at it's most painful: Priceless.

Surrender to the charms of the Guttenberg

2005-07-17T16:02:00.000+01:00

Ah, eBay! Such a wonderful thing.

I had a sneaking suspicion that there would be a person or two out there looking to sell old Steve Guttenberg movies.

It turns out I was right.

And so yesterday, a very special package arrived at my flat. A package containing this little beauty:

That's right. It's 1987's Surrender. And it didn't look like it would be too bad. It has Michael Caine and Sally Field. And they're both good actors. And we all know that I love the Gütt.

Once again, he doesn't recieve top billing, but he's still got quality above the title billing.

But it was the photo on the back that really captured my interest.

A moustachioed Guttenberg? Fantastic!

So, it was with some quite high expectations that I sat down to watch this film. And did it disappoint?

Sweet mother of God, yes. Ooh, what a bad movie. So very very very bad. So very bad. I really can't say that enough times. So so so very bad.

Roger Ebert's review sums it up quite well:

"Surrender" is an astonishing case of a movie that can do no wrong for its first half and little right thereafter. The story has no place to go, and Belson's contrivances in keeping it floating are desperate.

Steve plays Sally Field's rich lawyer boyfriend, and I'm sad to say he's a bit of a jerk. I'll confess I didn't pay much attention to the movie because I kept getting bored, but the Gütt did what he could with what he was given.

I knew that completing this mission would mean watching some bad movies. But until this, I had no idea how painful that could be.

Ah well, I can only hope that Film #4 is a little less upsetting.

Title: Surrender

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 33

Purchased: On eBay, 16 July 2005

Cost: £2.89, including delivery

The First Truly Bad Movie In The Collection: Priceless.

And now in more Guttenberg related news...

2005-07-16T16:07:00.000+01:00

Aren't you wacky North Americans lucky?

Starting this September, you'll be able to see the always delightful Mr. Guttenberg in UPN's one actually good show - Veronica Mars.

There are fabulous reports that Steve, along with Charisma Carpenter, will join the show for it's 2nd season. Steve has been cast as "a charismatic major league baseball team owner and leading candidate in the race for mayor of Neptune. " He will be in at least seven episodes.

How delicious! I, for one, cannot wait.

A lead!

2005-07-11T19:32:00.000+01:00

An email from Abby today gave me an exciting lead onto Film #3:

"Now, I don't want you to get too over excited here, but I am about 70% certain that my sister has the VHS of Three Men and a Little Lady, which I am 100% certain that she won't want anymore. I'll speak to my parents to make sure they still have it, and then I'll let you know.
Please, don't build your hopes up, it could well be Sister Act 2 that I am thinking of. I would hate for you to be disappointed and think bad of me."

Well, this is clearly a delight! A lead on Film #3 so soon after the arrival of Film #2? Fantastic!

I'm sad for Abby's sister that she wouldn't want to hold on to this cinematic gem, but it's obviously fantastic news for me.

And how could I possibly think badly of anyone supporting the mission?

I think this could be a hidden treasure trove of Guttenberg goodies - if y'all could have a look through your video collections for stray and (unbelievably) unwanted Guttenberg films, the mission would be in your debt.

The Mission! She thrives!

2005-07-11T19:18:00.000+01:00

It's been an exciting weekend in the world of the Steve Guttenberg Project.

On Saturday, I left the house to a bit of shopping. When I got home with my new shoe racks (they're very nice), I found an Amazon package near the front door.

"Hmmm," I thought to myself. "I haven't ordered anything from Amazon recently, but perhaps it's for me anyway."

And, would you believe it? It was!

Inside this beautiful package was a DVD - and not just any DVD. It was a DVD starring our good friend ... Mr. Steve Guttenberg.

I was giddy with glee, as you can well imagine, and scrambled to find the packing slip to find out who was responsible for the exciting new development - after all the collection had doubled overnight, and it was all very fabulous.

To my delight, I found that a little lady with a mission of her own was the generous DVD purchaser - the lovely Miss Heather Taylor.

Here it is. The fantastic and fabulous Film #2:

As we can see, the Gütt once again receives second billing.

(Hey, remember when Ally Sheedy was famous? Those were good times.)

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing this fantastic film, the Gütt plays one "Newton Crosby" - inventor of robots and other such things. When the delightful Number 5 suffers from a "short circuit" and comes to life, Newton is sent on a madcap adventure with trusted sidekick Fisher Stevens to find the rogue robot. Does mayhem and merriment ensue?

Oh, you bet it does.

There's also a bit of romance, between our Mr. Gutt and the lovely Miss Sheedy.

Robots? Romance? Stray animals? "Number 5 is alive"? The Gütt?

This movie has everything!

Title: Short Circuit

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 34

Date received: 9th July, 2005

Purchased by: Heather

The mission doubling in size: Priceless.

A Tribute to the Gütt

2005-07-09T11:45:00.000+01:00

Once you start looking, you realize that there are tributes to our good friend Mr. Guttenberg everywhere.

I'm sure you're all familiar with the episode of the Simpson's featuring the classic Stonecutters Song. Season six? Episode 12? "Homer The Great"? Originally aired on 8th January, 1995? You've seen it seven billion times in reruns since then?

The song is an all time classic. Sing along with me, if you will.

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!

Well, if you made Steve Guttenberg a star, then the world owes a debt to you, Stonecutters.

Thanks, from all of us.

Film #1

2005-07-06T22:01:00.000+01:00

Here it is:

Film #1 in the Steve Guttenberg Project.

Isn't it delightful? You can see that it cost me a mere £3, which I think you'll agree is a fantastic price for such a cinematic gem. It may not be a cropped white denim jacket, but I think it's pretty frickin' sweet.

Clearly Tom Selleck is the star here - he gets first billing and the centre of the photo.

But we can clearly see that our good buddy Steve Guttenberg is the second billed.

Screw you, Ted Danson! It's all about the Gütt here!

Title: Three Men and A Baby

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 35

Purchased: At an Archway charity shop, on 1st July 2005

Cost: £3

Beginning an exciting new mission: Priceless.

The Birth of the Steve Guttenberg Project

2005-07-06T15:58:00.001+01:00

It came like a flash of inspiration - a plan. A plan to begin a mission. A mission to complete the Steve Guttenberg Project.

It's a humble mission. It may not save the world, or end world hunger, or even get the building work outside my flat finished.

But it will, if the mission is successful, gain me the most fabulous film collection ever imagined.

And it's here, in this very blog, that you can follow the progress of the Project.

Fabulous and exciting?

I think so!

The Steve Guttenberg Filmography

2005-07-02T10:10:00.001+01:00

Here it is. The definitive list we're working from, taken from the Internet Movie Database.

The films I have are in bold. I'm still searching for the non-bold films.

Ay Lav Yu (2010)
The Gold Retrievers (2010)
Cornered! (2009)
If It Ain't Broke, Break It (2009)
Shannon's Rainbow (2009)
Major Movie Star (2008)
Jackson (2008) [originally 2005]
Heidi 4 Paws (2008)
Fatal Rescue (2008)
Making Change (2006)
Mojave Phone Booth (2006)
Domino One (2005)
The Stranger (2003)
P.S. Your Cat Is Dead (2002)
Airborne (1998)
Home Team (1998/I)
Casper: A Spirited Beginning (1997)
Zeus and Roxanne (1997)
Overdrive (1997)
It Takes Two (1995)
Home for the Holidays (1995)
The Big Green (1995)
3 Men and a Little Lady (1990)
Don't Tell Her It's Me (1990)
Cocoon: The Return (1988)
High Spirits (1988)
Three Men and a Baby (1987)
Surrender (1987)
Amazon Women on the Moon (1987)
Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
The Bedroom Window (1987)
Short Circuit (1986)
Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986)
Bad Medicine (1985)
Cocoon (1985)
Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)
Police Academy (1984)
The Man Who Wasn't There (1983)
Diner (1982)
Can't Stop the Music (1980)
Players (1979) (as Steven Guttenberg)
The Boys from Brazil (1978)
The Chicken Chronicles (1977)
Rollercoaster (1977) (uncredited)
Something for Joey (1977)

The Running Total

2005-07-01T11:48:00.003+01:00

Title: Three Men and A Baby
Date: 1 July 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 35
Purchased: At an Archway charity shop
Cost: £3
Beginning an exciting new mission: Priceless.

Title: Short Circuit
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 34
Date received: 9th July, 2005
Purchased by: Heather
The mission doubling in size: Priceless.

Title: Surrender
Date: 16 July 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 33
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £2.89, including delivery
The First Truly Bad Movie In The Collection: Priceless.

Title: Police Academy
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 32
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £3.04, including delivery
Political incorrectness at it's most painful: Priceless.

Title: Don't Tell Her It's Me (aka. The Boyfriend School)
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 31
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £2.89, including delivery
Realizing I would probably watch this again: Priceless. Pricelessly embarassing.

Title: The Bedroom Window
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 30
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £2.99, including delivery
A Bad Overly Dramatic Movie: Eh, not so priceless.

Title: Bad Medicine
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 29
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £2.89, including delivery
Bad 80's Comedy At Its Finest: Oh, that's priceless baby.

Title: Police Academy 3: Back In Training
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 28
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £2.00, including delivery
The First Guttenberg Movie I Couldn't Watch In One Sitting: Shamefully priceless.

Title: High Spirits
Date: 15 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 27
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: £3.50, including delivery
The Most Beloved Guttenberg Movie Yet?: Priceless.

#10

Title: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol
Date: 10 August 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 26
Purchased: by the delightful and ever so dashing Aaron
Seriously, A Hot-Air Balloon Chase?: Priceless.

#11

Title: Casper - A Spirited Beginning
Date Added: 30 September 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 25
Purchased: By the delightful Miss Sherlock
Steve as a BAD DAD who is reformed by a ghost: Priceless.

#12

Title: Diner
Date Added: 10 October 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 24
Purchased: By Alexcia, and delivered all the way from Canada.
Owning a movie I probably would have bought anyway: Priceless.

#13

Title: Home Team
Date Added: 10 October 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 23
Purchased: On ebay
Price: £3.00
Fantastically cheesy Canadian goodness: Priceless.

#14

Title: Amazon Women on the Moon
Date Added: 10 October 2005
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 22
Purchased: On ebay
Price: £2.85
Hearing Steve Guttenberg use a line about sushi to seduce the ladies: Priceless.

#15

Title: Three Men & A Little Lady
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 21
Date Added: 31 October 2005
Purchased: By the lovely and fabulous Abby
Trying to erase the bedtime rap from my mind: Priceless.

#16

Title: A Question Of Life (aka Something For Joey)
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 20
Date Added: 31 October 2005
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £5.79
Seeing the genesis of the Guttenberg Film Dynasty: Priceless.

#17

Title: It Takes Two
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 19
Date Added: 22 December 2005
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £2.50
Knowing that Steve was right in there at the start of the Olsen empire: Priceless.

#18

Title: Can't Stop The Music
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18
Date Added: 24 February 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £10.00, and worth every penny
Steve as the star of the campest movie ever, of all time, ever: Priceless.

#19

Title: Home For The Holidays
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17
Date Added: 26 February 2006
Purchased: on Amazon.co.uk
Price: £5.25
Hearing Guttenberg say "Beep beep, brother-in-law" to Robert Downey Jr: Priceless.

#20

Title: The Big Green
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 16
Date Added: 1 May 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £0.01 + delivery
Hearing Steve Guttenberg's Texan accent: Priceless.

#21

Title: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 15
Date Added: 1 May 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £2.50
Being slightly better than Police Academy 3?: Priceless.

#22

Title: Cocoon
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 14
Date Added: 21 May 2006
Purchased: on eBay (and I think someone gave me a copy too, but I forget who. Maybe Alexcia? Thanks dude!)
Price: £3.50
Never being able to erase the disturbing alien pool sex scene from my mind?: Priceless.

#23

Title: Cocoon: The Return
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 13
Date Added: 10 August 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £5.45
Realizing that I will watch essentially unviewable copies of tapes just because of the project?: Priceless.

#24

Title: The Boys From Brazil
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 12
Date Added: 13 August 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £5.50
Seeing Steve killed by Nazis?: Priceless.

#25

Title: Zeus and Roxanne
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11
Date Added: 13 August 2006
Purchased: on eBay
Price: £2.98
Learning That Inter-species True Love Is Possible?: Priceless.

#26

Title: The Chicken Chronicles
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 11
Date Added: 19 March 2007
Purchased: On eBay
Cost: $5.95
Being spared a Guttenberg sex scene: Priceless

#27

Title: Major Movie Star

Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 18

Purchased: Ebay

Cost: £7.95

Admiring the burnished glow of a super-tanned Guttenberg: Priceless

#28

Title: Rollercoaster
Steve Guttenberg Films Still To Be Collected: 17
Purchased: By my aweseome friend Mandy for my birthday. Like 3 years ago. Really, I am getting on watching these, I swear.
Cost: N/A
Seeing a practically teenaged Guttenberg with huge 70s hair: Priceless